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    Blog — self-esteem

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    The Power (And Drama) of Self-Talk

    As a female I’ve done my share of loveless, self-criticism. I’ve stared at the parts of my body that I’ve deemed undesirable. With the help of a mirror, I’ve sent all of my negative thoughts inward showing no mercy. And guess what? Those parts of my body have always been my problem areas no matter how much fat I lose or muscle I tone up. But then if I fast forward a couple of years from any given self-critical moment, for example when I browse through old pictures on Facebook, I realize, “wow, I looked pretty good back then.” Even though “back then” all I saw were flaws and areas for improvement, just like I do today. So what does this cycle illustrate?

    The content of your thoughts (or self-talk) is your reality.

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    A CrossFitter’s Identity Crisis

    This past weekend was a big one for all of our readers who CrossFit. The 2012 Reebok CrossFit Games entered its second week of The Open workouts. For those unfamiliar with The Open, it’s a five-week competition that trims the field of 68,000+ competitors down to the top 60 men/women from each region (and top 30 teams) for its regionals competitions – the stepping stone on the way to the 2012 CrossFit Games in Los Angeles in July.

    This week’s workout, 12.2 as its known, was a 10-minute workout of max snatches. A snatch is an olympic lift that consists of moving a barbell from the ground to overhead in one swift movement. The snatch is a very technical lift. You can be a beast of a man, but if your technique sucks, you will not be able to snatch much weight. The snatch is a powerfully explosive movement. And it’s a movement I severely struggle with.

    After doing well in the first week’s workout, I knew 12.2 would be tough. I overestimated my technique (and strength) coming into the workout, and left clearly deflated. I was completely frustrated about my performance after my second attempt at the workout on Saturday morning. I hit my ceiling of 60 reps, with my goal of 61 just slightly out of my time (and weight) range. I felt like I needed more reps to help our team as we compete to qualify for regionals, and just wasn’t able to come through. I encouraged the other competitors, even watched Compete Every Day friend Jeremy Calahan throw up a ridiculous 93 reps, including his last three at 210 pounds, but I still left the box that day with a sour taste in my mouth.

    One of the struggles I have with CrossFit is that I will sometimes put too much stock into the sport. Like I had done with football and team sports in high school, I battle the desire to attach my own self-worth with how well I perform a CrossFit WOD (workout of the day). After having a half hour to unwind from the competition workout, I posted a Facebook update as a way to simply remind myself that my identity is not found in CrossFit. Never has been, never will be. No matter how well or poorly I do in the sport.

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