The most dangerous lie we tell ourselves isn’t “I can’t do it.”
It’s: “I could do it… if only I had what they have.”
“If only I had more time in my schedule, I’d finally be consistent.”
“If only I wasn’t a parent with responsibilities, I’d be able to train like I used to.”
“If only I had their genetics or metabolism, I’d look like that too.”
Sound familiar?
I get it - because I’ve been there.
In 15 seconds, riding in the back of an Uber headed to the airport, I was transported a decade back to my kitchen table. The speaker sitting next to me was venting about his struggles, convinced that if he just landed a bureau to represent him - or if one big influencer reposted him - it would finally be his big break.
I smiled because I knew that frustration all too well.
Back in the early years of Compete Every Day, I’d watch other entrepreneurs raise capital and partner with investors while I tried to scrape by. At expos, larger companies had elaborate booths with lights, banners, and crews. And then there was me - under a 10x10 canopy tent with racks I built myself.
I remember sitting across from an investor, turning down a terrible offer of 50% equity for a small amount of funding, and resigning myself to going without. At the time, it felt unfair. I believed I could do more if only I had what they had.
Looking back, I’m thankful I didn’t. Because the truth is, more money earlier probably would have amplified my mistakes and put me in a deeper hole. Bootstrapping forced me to be smarter, scrappier, and more resilient.
A few years later, when I started speaking, I carried the same mindset: If only I had a bureau like them, I could get booked more.
What I didn’t realize then was that bureaus don’t want to represent speakers without a proven business. I kept waiting for someone to step in and save me—until I finally realized no one was coming. If it was meant to be, it was up to me.
I hired coaches. I learned sales systems. I built the business without the representation I thought was essential. Four years into my career, I finally worked with a bureau—but only because a Compete Every Day customer specifically requested me.
The truth hit me hard: waiting for someone else to open a door is the slowest way to move forward.
And it’s the same in every area of life.
The Lie That Keeps Us Stuck
We convince ourselves we’re just one magical moment away from success.
One investor away from taking our business full-time.
One bureau away from speaking on the big stages.
One date away from finding the “perfect” relationship.
One season of parenting responsibilities away from getting back in shape.
One lucky break away from changing everything.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: you’re not waiting for the right opportunity. You’re waiting for permission.
Permission to win.
The Science Behind Why We Wait
Maybe you’ve felt it too - the quiet hope that someone will notice your potential, give you the resources you’re missing, and open the door for you. On the surface, it makes sense. Who wouldn’t want a shortcut?
But waiting for help is often disguised fear.
Psychology Today points to “learned helplessness” - a mindset where, after facing repeated challenges, people stop trying to change their circumstances, even when they still can. We start to believe success depends on outside forces: luck, connections, other people. Psychologists call this an “external locus of control.”
It’s easier to blame outside factors than face the truth: our outcomes rest squarely on us.
Think about it like this - you’re a boxer who’s been knocked down a few rounds. Instead of adjusting your strategy and fighting back, you start wishing for better gloves, a different trainer, or a lucky punch. Meanwhile, your opponent is simply throwing consistent jabs.
The Association for Psychological Science reports that procrastination isn’t about poor time management - it’s “a complicated failure of self-regulation.” We delay the work we know matters, even though we’ll suffer for it. And according to the Harvard Business Review, over 70% of entrepreneurs admit fear of failure has held them back at some point.
When that fear combines with the illusion of a “lucky break,” we get stuck. Waiting. Hoping. Doing nothing.
But what if perfect conditions never come?
The Real Competition Is in the Mirror
Here’s what changed everything for me: I stopped asking, “What if I had their advantages?” and started asking, “What if I just won without them?”
What if you built the strength, endurance, or consistency you wanted without a fancy gym membership?
What if you improved your fitness while working 50 hours a week and raising kids?
What if you hit your goals even though your metabolism doesn’t give you any shortcuts?
What if you proved you could win with every call going against you?
Help is great. Opportunities are great. But the most successful competitors aren’t the ones who wait for them - they’re the ones who build without them.
And here’s the good news: research shows about 10% of people never give in to helpless thinking. They simply refuse to accept they can’t control their outcomes.
What if you joined that 10%?
The "Do It Without Them" Framework
Here are five ways you can stop waiting for help and start proving you can win with what you already have:
1. Define Your Game Clearly
Don’t chase someone else’s scoreboard. Is your “win” dropping 10 pounds? Finishing a half-marathon? Having more energy to play with your kids? Write it down. Define it. When you know your game, you stop wasting energy comparing yourself to people playing a different one.
2. Play the Hand You’ve Got
No extra time? Train for 20 minutes instead of doing nothing. No fancy equipment? Use your garage, a park, or your bodyweight. No perfect genetics? Outwork them with consistency. Competitors don’t whine about the cards - they play them.
3. Stack Small Wins Relentlessly
Momentum doesn’t come from one lucky break. It comes from consistent daily actions. That workout you squeeze in today. That one healthier meal choice. That one less excuse. Research on the “progress principle” shows small wins create motivation that compounds over time.
4. Make Your Disadvantages Your Edge
What feels like a setback could be your superpower. Limited time forces focus. Parenting responsibilities build resilience. Average genetics push you to outwork everyone. Tom Brady and Joe Montana weren’t the most talented quarterbacks - but their disadvantages drove them to greatness.
5. Eliminate the "If Only" Excuse
“If only I had their time… their body type… their support…” Those thoughts keep you stuck. Replace them with, “But I can still…” and list three things you can do right now.
Your Next Move
Right now, there’s something you’ve been putting off because you’re waiting for better conditions, more resources, or fewer responsibilities.
What if you just did it anyway?
What if you trained with the time you do have?
What if you built consistency without perfect conditions?
What if you proved you could win even when the odds aren’t in your favor?
Waiting for help is easy. It lets you off the hook. But real competitors don’t wait. They prove.
So stop waiting for the lucky break. Stop waiting for someone to notice your potential. Stop waiting for help.
Decide to win without it.
Because once you prove you can win without their help, you’ll be unstoppable when help finally does arrive.